The Dreaded Shaadi Season
With wedding season in full swing for the summer – my PTSD is back.
I know I shouldn’t make light of PTSD but in my defence my experiences have been nothing but short of traumatising. Instead of looking forward to the many events, the activities, wearing my incredible outfits and dancing the nights away, I found myself constantly stressed and filled with dread knowing that I would have to converse with some of the least self-aware humans known to mankind.
The Aunties.
For some reason, (better explored by a therapist) unabashedly living your best life as a single 33-year-old Pakistani woman, really tends to get their panties in a twist. I have travelled the world solo, I am highly respected in my line of work, and I have a great support system surrounding me and yet, being faced with the onslaught of The Aunties 'till date makes me very nervous and highly anxious.
I wish I could tell you there was a guide to surviving Shaadi Season amongst these aging terrors but alas, I have yet to come up with a remedy. If it were up to me, my guide would look something like:
“Beta, when are you getting married?”
Why? Is your husband looking?
“When are we going to eat dinner at YOUR wedding?”
Bitch, who said you’re even invited?
“I see you’ve gained a lot of weight…”
Doesn’t seem to bother your son who’s been blowing up my DMs.
Although we can’t say the above (can we…?) its high time we start devaluing the cultural norms and pressures along with the ‘respect’ we are forced to give people who do not respect us and make ‘jokes’ at our expense. For me personally, this part of the community does not serve its purpose and I am on a mission to protect my peace and uphold my value.
An incident comes to mind, during my sisters dholki an Aunty made a comment about my weight, – this happened whilst I was serving her a drink. Instead of my usual polite smiling and taking it all in jest, I said the following: ‘What you just said to me, isn’t very nice at all. You are currently in my home, celebrating my sister’s wedding festivities whilst I am hosting you and you still chose to make a comment about my physical appearance.
Just. Not. Nice.’
What followed was not an onslaught of drama but instead an acknowledgement of what had been said. Yes, it was very awkward but in the age of these Aunties who are actively on social media, adapting to the new world around us, they also need to be taught that this is the age and will continue to be the age of women supporting women.
Although this accounts for all generations, I believe that perhaps it is up to us to be the patient but firm generation that leads the way in the change and sets healthy boundaries.
That it does not have to be a Star Plus episode of drama and tears and ‘how dare you’s’ but a simple conversation where you set your boundaries and ensure that they are not crossed – I was able to vocalise mine despite my mother being horrified that I did and for those who have not yet quite found your feet with it, trust me. You’ll get there, it only took me 30 odd years!
Just before the night ended, said Aunty found me and profusely apologised which I gladly accepted and closed the chapter on.
It’s not to say I now look forward to Shaadi Season, the dread is very much still existent. Being judgemental and ignorant is so deeply rooted within our society where women are often paired off as competitors rather than allies that it will take time to experience that change.
We always knew breaking the cycle was never going to be an overnight fix.
Exploring and opening these forms of conversations is what is missing today, a reminder that we are in fact on the same side of change and have outgrown these aged norms of what elicits as good conversation topics. Especially within the wedding space, this is your reminder to compliment one another and congratulate each other and as soon as you are put in a position where you are uncomfortable, exercise those boundaries.
In the meantime, I will continue on with my NSFW comebacks (only in my mind, of course)!